We Learned a Lot Today...
Scott and I have been asked countless times..."So when will you get a baby?" Fair question, but one that is impossible to answer. Even after a match...it can be iffy. We participated in a conference call with our agency today that goes over the matching process and the legal "stuff" for the process. It was VERY informative, yet a bit scary.First of all, we are still waiting on the homestudy papers to be finalized. We have done all we can do...so right now, we wait. Hoping by the end of the month or start of August we can start submitting to profiles that we feel fit our family...in hopes of getting selected to parent.
For those of you that are interested, here are some points that we learned today:
(We share this information in hopes of helping someone else considering the process, or those that just like to educate themselves.)
THE MATCH:
* When we receive profiles on expectant mothers and babies, we decide if we want to be considered to parent that baby by the expectant mother. She will first see our online profile along with SEVERAL others. She will then narrow it down to 3-5 families that she wants to see the books for. From there, she will decide if she wants to talk or meet with any of those families. Some will. Some won't. After that, she will make her final decision.
* A more in depth medical and family background will be released after a match is declared to us to review. We can even take that information to a doctor and get his/her opinion on the health of the baby. Scott and I are VERY open to several different circumstances that may arise, so please do not think we are hunting for the perfectly healthy baby. However, like any expectant parents, that would of course be our ideal wish.
* Once we are matched, within one week we must pay our agency the remaining $4,000 AND (if we are matched in the state of Ohio) the remaining $13,000 for various legal costs, birthmother living expenses, social worker fees, paper transfers, etc. At this time, the expenses for an out-of-state match are much out of our price range (This would be closer to $50,000).
* From the time we are matched to the time the baby is born could be hours, days, weeks, or months. During this time, we will more than likely stay in communication with the expectant mother via texts, phone, doctor's appointments, dinner meetings, etc. Some would rather not communicate. It's really case by case.
BIRTH:
* The expectant mother will text or call us when she goes into labor. We will then travel to her hospital.
* We will more than likely already know her hospital plan at this point. She may not want us there until a couple days after the baby is born. She may want us in the room. It all depends. Scott and I will either stay in the hospital or nearby hotel until the baby is released to our care.
* Scott and I will work with the birthmother on naming the baby. The baby will reflect whatever name the birthmother decides, however, legally, we can change it later on, or honor her wishes...which we would like to do. We hope to all agree on a name. If the baby is a little boy, only the birthmother can tell the hospital to circumcise him or not. Again, we hope to work with the birthmother on this.
THE LEGAL PROCESS:
* The birthmother cannot sign over her parental rights until at least 72 hours after birth in the state of Ohio. However, when the baby is released from the hospital, we work with our attorney and the birthmother on a care plan. Essentially, we are just "babysitting" until we get a time slot at probate court for the consent hearing. That can take up to 3 or 4 weeks. TECHNICALLY anytime in there, the birthmother can change her mind, though at this point is very rare.
* After the consent hearing, there is a placement hearing where the judge reviews all of our files from the homestudy process as well as asking Scott and I several questions. The judge will then make the decision if the baby can be placed in our care for adoption.
* 6-8 months after the baby's birth, we will go to court to finalize the adoption. It isn't until after this that we can discontinue social worker visits and change the name on the birth certificate to reflect our last name, etc. This day is a MAJOR day of celebration! The adoption is considered complete at this point.
OTHER INFORMATION:
* Our agency verifies that there is an actual pregnancy. They also continue throughout the pregnancy to get medical records from the expectant mother's doctor's appointments.
* Should the baby be born with a medical condition, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, or other complications that were NOT previously expressed to us, we have the right to also release our agreement for the match...which will not be easy on us, so we pray the truth is disclosed in all situations prior to birth.
* Birthfathers have rights, too. They have 15 days after the baby is born to state he would like custody of the baby. At the time, it becomes a custody battle between the birthmother and the birthfather. The baby will be removed from our care...though we are told this rarely happens and the birthfather is usually on board with the adoption. This happens in cases when birthfathers do not know of the pregnancy. Usually, this is only possible before the consent hearing...so that date will be an important date!
* The baby is typically on medicaid insurance until finalization or whenever our insurance allows us to add him or her.
That's basically it in a nutshell. We are nervous, excited, scared, happy...just so many things going through our minds.
Some have asked about a baby shower. Scott and I prefer not to have a baby shower until after we are matched and the consent and placement hearings have taken place. We just want to be sure we will not have to give our baby back and have all the baby stuff around as a reminder of our loss. Some think that is silly...but it's what we would like. We will have the basics...diapers, formula, place for him/her to sleep, so no worries there! Also, with waiting, we will be able to have the baby at the baby shower for everyone to meet him or her! So, even better!
Thank you all for your continued love and support!!
Scott and Lindsay
