The Journey Continues

Our "failed" Adoption...

Scott and I would like to thank everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and messages during our adoption journey...and especially here lately.  We have a sad update to share with you.

For the past 10 weeks, Scott and I formed a relationship and bond with our birth mom, Sally (named changed), and her mom.  We traveled up there on several occasions, I went to a doctor’s appointment with her…daily communication…we felt really good about everything and looked forward to expanding our family.  Not just with the baby, but with their family as well.

Monday afternoon, November 2 (her due date), Sally sent me a text saying that she was being sent over to the hospital to be induced.  She had been to her doctor early that afternoon.  We left and made the nearly 4 hour drive up to the hospital...super excited!!!  When we arrived, the biological father was at the hospital...something we had not expected.  He came back into Sally's life a couple weeks ago.  We introduced ourselves and talked with him a bit...seemed like a nice guy.  We were given a room of our own right next to Sally’s. 

That night, the birth father fell asleep.  So did Scott…and Sally’s mom went home for a bit.  I stayed up all night...She had to have her epidural redone…she also didn’t sleep.

At 6:15 a.m. on Tuesday, the nurse came in and Sally began to push.  I was there.  Her mom was there.  The biological father was there.  Greyson was born at 7:10 a.m.  7lbs 12oz 20.5 inches long.  Absolutely perfect.  I cut the umbilical cord.  I have always loved the name Greyson.  We named him together.

Sally told me she wanted me to hold him first…that didn’t happen.  She held him.  When Scott came into the room, she gave Scott the baby.  The nurses at this small hospital were not all hip to how adoption works.  Some were…and they were great.  But one came in who congratulated dad…and she wasn’t talking to Scott.  She gave the biological father a bottle and he fed him first.

Greyson was taken to the nursery for shots and a sponge bath.  When they were done, he was in our room.  We cared for him for nearly 2 days.  Sally asked to see him a couple times, and we had no problem with that as we were sticking to the plan.  Tuesday night she asked me when my parents were coming...She seemed excited to meet them. We had met her family on and off all day.

The attorneys for both us and Sally showed up at the hospital to take care of some legal stuff.  Sally signed the Care Agreement which gave Scott and I Power of Attorney and the rights to make medical decisions for Greyson.  All was on track and going great.  Scott was up with Greyson most of the night Tuesday.  He let me sleep as I had not had any...and oh my goodness.  You should have seen Scott change that first poopy diaper...you know the one I'm taking about.  Exploded everywhere.  YUCK!

Wednesday morning Scott asked Sally if she wanted anything from McDonald's, so he brought her breakfast.  Greyson was circumcised shortly after.  Ouch!  My parents arrived around 11:15.  My mom held him.  Then I got the call from our agency that the hospital Social Worker had spoken with her…which was NOT supposed to happen like that.   A hospital Social Worker stepped into Sally’s room and felt the need to counsel her.  Sally had already been through counseling.  She was given all other options other than adoption…WIC…Welfare…etc.  She wanted adoption.  Well, this social worker gave her those options again.

Before we knew for sure that they wanted to keep Greyson, a nurse came into the room, took Greyson out of Scott’s arms while he was feeding him and said he needed to be checked.  We told the nurse he was just checked in our room a minute ago and everything was fine.  She didn’t say anything.   Just left with him.  We never saw him again…

When the social worker came into our room…she told us the news. Also was not supposed to happen.  She was not nice about it…in fact, it was awful.  My mom got sick to her stomach instantly.  I collapsed.  I was so confused and hurt…we never heard from Sally again.  The feeling of betrayal, confusion, sadness...it's all still there.  But I can tell you it will make us stronger.  We know we have been called to adoption.

Sally's family was shocked by her decision.  Neither of Greyson’s parents have a full job…or a place of their own.  Last we heard, they moved into a family member's home of the father.  Our only hope and prayer is that he is well taken care of.

When we left the hospital late that day…I couldn’t breathe.   I was sick.  I am better now.  The agency has been great and supportive and will do that they can to help us get another placement soon. 

Scott and I lost $4,000 (at least) that we know of.  We still had to pay for our attorney, Sally’s attorney, and the counseling she had….

We have had several requests to purchase our "Hope for One" shirts as a way to help raise the lost funds...so, for 15 days...you can purchase the shirts again if you would like.  We truly appreciate it.  Click here to purchase your shirt!  Please order by November 23.  (They come in youth sizes, short sleeve, long sleeve, and hoodies!)

We really are doing better.  We have been laughing some and spending time with each other and family.  We are hopeful for what is still to come.  We have a nursery all ready to go!  The experience to us will help us appreciate the next adoption journey even more.  As awful as it is to say, it felt like Greyson passed away…and I guess in our lives, he did.  We just hope and pray that Greyson is getting the love and care he deserves...and yes, he is still named Greyson. 

I have to say a big thank you to my new friends...fellow adoptive moms.  You ladies have been amazing checking on me and giving encouraging words.  THANK YOU! 

The title of this post was our "failed" adoption...Even though it did not work out...and maybe failed to us...God opened another door to help us get even closer to our child.  I have to believe that God brought us together for some reason...maybe we helped Sally through something.  Or lit a spark in her for God.  We may never know.  

Thank you all for caring so much about us and our dream to expand our family!

~Lindsay and Scott

Written by Lindsay